Love it! This reminds me of classic pulp SF stories I used to devour as a teenager. They were '50s anthologies of '30s material, bound in battered library bindings. I can smell them right now. They were like psychedelic drugs to me.
Compelling! I adored reading this. I hope you'll keep sharing more of your pulp scifi with us; I'm eating it up with a really big spoon!
@Richard & Anna- Thanks so much for giving the story a once over and voicing an opinion. I have wanted to use this idea for a while now, and decided to just go ahead and make it a short story. It is hard to condense things into shorts after you have written two (and a half) novels, you know? I can't help but put things in a larger scale, so I am trying to find a happy medium in this. Writing these couple of new shorts has definitely helped, and I do plan on sharing them as they come along. So, sincerely, thank you! I appreciate any and all feedback, be it good or bad...just tell me!
Good plot line and pacing. The flow warmed up after the first few paragraphs, became less wordy and therefore more smooth and less self-conscious. This story was very much in the style of the old pulp Sci-Fi, so you're on the right track!